Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Therapy

Just about a year ago, as Saturn approached the ascendant, the ligaments of my lower back and sacro-iliac joints gave up the ghost. The centre, literally, could no longer hold. Displacement, severe muscle spasm and weakness and flare ups of acute inflamation and pain. Since then a repeat prescription for cocodamol, a round of alternative and conventional medical treatments and far too much TV.

It's dawning on me that the job is to rebuild the centre - and what is more central than the pelvis and lower back, and what they represent? Or rather to give it space to do the rebuilding. I imagined my centre could look after itself while I led a busy life but apparently this was not the case. Maybe this was the only way to get my attention. After much inner resistance I am revisiting relaxation and meditation techniques.

Six weeks ago I ventured outside again. Ten yards and back home, fifteen the following day, then twenty. Today I reached the next street up from mine. The first goal is to reach the river. At a guess, I'm just just under halfway there. The strangest feeling, learning to walk again. Each time I go out, a mixture of pleasure mixed with terror lest there is a setback. Learning to trust this body that, seemingly, has turned against me for a season.

For the first time for a long while I hanker after the scent of essential oils. Lavender scented body lotion, orange and ginger shower gel. The physical as a source of peace and pleasure.

A desire as well to get creative. Photographs. Blogging.

About the same time as the back went, the computer hard drive died, and with it my stock of photographs. Right now I'm using a friend's PC, loaned on approval. No photography programmes so no new photos.

But thank god for Flickr. I'll be reviewing my on line stockpile and posting some of them here from time to time - at least for as long as the back stability lasts.

Therapy, you might call it.

Rose 1 - Detail

8 comments:

Katherine Turner said...

. . . so good to hear your voice :) . . . and of course what i want to know is: what did Life bring you during this huge shift? what is the Yes inside of the No??? :)

leslee said...

So great to see you again! I hope your healing continues well, with few if any setbacks. One step at a time...

Sky said...

hi! very surprised to find you here again and happily so! sorry to hear about your pain and the year of healing your body has been journeying through. glad you are making progress! i really can identify with the lumbar and sacroiliac pain - have had 2 major episodes of sacroiliac inflammation during the past year and found ultrasound treatments in PT really help resolve the muscle spasms. hope you continue to improve. sending big hugs. <3

Dale said...

:-) Grinning and grinning. To read your words again, is the greatest and most unexpected gift! I've missed you.

Ach, but I'm sorry for the pain. I wish I could work on you (especially with friends, I'm always completely convinced I could make all pains and discomforts go away instantly :->)

xoxo

herhimnbryn said...

Hallo there!
First one step, then the next...

You can and will do it.

terry simpson said...

A very similar thing recently happened to a friend of mine who overdid digging in the garden. Also someone used to being busy! Nothing for it but to rst it seems...

Have you come across co-counselling? I've found it very useful for dealing with the emotional side to any physical issue.

But really I just wanted to say thanks for posting up 'Shadows' by DH Lawrence in a previous (blog) existence. I was looking for a copy of it to send a friend of mine who is having a bad time and in hospital, and I was pleased to see you had picked it out too. It's a bit special, and maybe has resonances for your current predicament?

Anonymous said...

Delighted to see you back again, and wishing you all the very best.

Jan x

Sky said...

stopping by to say happy holidays. think of you and wonder how you are. do not have your email address anymore. lost so many addresses with a system update. send me a note sometime! i am on FB, too...under the email address you would have.