Friday, November 7, 2008

Anxiety



Stressed. Work. Uncertainty and indecision.

So, once again, it’s a walking, not a cycling, day. What convinced me was pedalling full tilt into the side of a slow moving car recently when the concentration was elsewhere. Fortunately no harm done to self or bicycle or car, and the driver was touchingly concerned about my physical welfare - and my mental state probably, though he didn’t say so.

I crave the rhythmic action of walking. Steady and regular. One foot in front of the other, right, left. The autumn morning, damp and so still, the trees enveloped in their auras of gold and ochre and russet, the earth solid beneath my feet, reassuring. People pass. I exchange greetings with one or two.

The brain still runs in dark circles and the stomach remains a black hole. The exercise doesn’t make the symptoms go away, not at all. Yet it becomes a wordless instruction on surviving a future that seems to crouch somewhere ahead, menacing and waiting to pounce.

Keep going. One step. Then the next. Walk right towards it.

17 comments:

Winterwood said...

I wanted to post in a comment about your last post - which was really full of realsitic hope, but thats how I amfeeling too at the mo! I dont think youhad comments enabled though as I could not find it. ok..off to read this post now! lol!

Winterwood said...

ok..hope youre ok? yes walking sounds safer.... and more therapeutic! only dont walk o=intosprinkler holes as I did this morning and twisted my ankle... as I wrote in my latest post today. have a relaxing weekend then.

pohanginapete said...

I find my thought processes seem to work differently after about 10 minutes or so of walking. Bruce Chatwin was convinced of the importance of walking in human evolution, but possibly the best book ever written on walking is Rebecca Solnit's Wanderlust: A History of Walking.

I hope things ease up and you can relax a little.

Relatively Retiring said...

Yes, I was unable to leave a comment on your previous posting.

Don't forget my offer about watching the trains go by - which can inlude walking on the hills.

leslee said...

Gorgeous photo! These are very anxious times all around. Though everyone has their own unique situations, you're not alone. I love to walk, too, and just need to when anxious. It doesn't make it go away, but it does release some of that extra wound-up energy.

Cat B said...

I do hope you'll soon feel better. I love walking—it takes me out of my own life and into the world. Such a beautiful photograph—I feel I've been out on a walk already this morning! And as for your last post— hallelujah! I think we can create a better world now.

Dale said...

Oh, I wish I could hug you in the flesh. There are times when pixels don't really do it.

Love to you, lots of it.

Zhoen said...

One foot in front of the other. Take care.

Going through work/stress too.

herhimnbryn said...

You instinctively know that to walk is right, keep walking.
Breath deeply.

Sky said...

sorry about the mishap and so glad you were not injured and the bike and car are fine, too.

i am so sorry you are under such stress and angst. hoping that the skies open, that the heavy weight will lift, and that you will begin to feel the light(ness) all around you.

i try to remember that all my worries will change nothing - except my health. hard to redirect thoughts, but perhaps yoga and meditation will help. whatever distracts you and brings you joy, i hope you find. many hugs and always best wishes packaged with love.

MB said...

(o)

mm said...

Thanks everyone.

WW: Ouch!

PP: A real prod to read some Bruce Chatwin, something Ive been putting off. Likewise Rebecca Solnit.

RR: Id love to watch trains/walk in the hills. Where are you exactly, RR? Im not sure.

Leslee: Had a feeling you were a similar kind of walker to me ....

CatB: Glad you liked the photo. I cross this park on the way in to town.

Dale: A hug would be good *sigh*.

Zhoen: You too take care.

HHB: It is instinctive. Quite right. Thanks.

Sky: I am doing a yoga day workshop tomorrow. Good timing!

MB: Lovely to see you again in these parts. Hope you are well and thriving ....

Relatively Retiring said...

There's e-mail contact on my profile.
I'm right beside the railway line. It's a great view!

Endment said...

How I wish there were ways to offer you support and encouragement. These are difficult days - each of us needs hope and a sense that all will work out - All I know to do is to send you an internet hug and tell you how glad I am that you are safe. Sending up for you lots of warm thoughts and prayers

mm said...

RR: An email is on its way!

Endment: Thank you for your kindness. Deep down there is a sense that things will work out, and sometimes just putting the angst into words helps .....

hitchhiker72 said...

Pretty intense times, these. I keep waiting for the lull, until it occurs to me that this might just BE the lull. Sounds like you're keeping things much in perspective though. Very best wishes.

mm said...

Intense indeed. Thanks HH72.