Sunday, January 11, 2009

And Then


A farewell speech, a homemade cake, a present. Embarrassed shuffling of feet. Strange, as I will in fact be back working there for a few days towards the end of January, and periodically again after that. And I meet a former colleague for lunch next week and another at yoga class on Tuesdays. Nonetheless it is the closing of a chapter. And a stepping into a void.

I'm lucky. Small pensions kick in over the coming months which will pay just a few of the bills. I have skills, including massage - ostensibly the latter is the reason for leaving a nearly full-time desk job. Pass out cards. Offer tasters. Get a massage or two myself. Do yoga. Speak to people. Prepare the paperwork. More than anything else, trust. Listen for the nudges that indicate a way forward, even if, especially if, it is in a direction I don't expect. Be content to breathe and walk and garden until then. I can temp while I wait.

What of the waiting times? And the uncertainty? That's where life is lived, not in the illusion of plans and goals. More of a challenge when you live alone and there is no-one to chivvy you, and when you tend towards worry.

I want to cultivate both the garden and my friendships.I started working almost immediately when I moved here and have put little effort into finding and nurturing friendships, a community, a tribe. Like work, this takes work.

I need, really need to read more. Much more.

Don't know where the blog and blogging fit into all this, if at all. On verra bien..

Create. Create. Create. Anything.

****

This morning, while I typed, the sky caught fire. The frost has vanished and a west wind is blowing. Beneath the horizon, invisible, a full moon.

14 comments:

Dick said...

Create, create anything, of course, and good speed with that. But keep a high profile for the blog too.

mm said...

Thanks Dick. Encouragement welcome.

Winterwood said...

From my understanding of reading your blog - you have already created so much in moving there and creating a new life ...that in itself is a huge achievement... but what ever happens, please keep us posted here on the blog... and echo Dicks words there too.

Relatively Retiring said...

Breathing, walking and gardening are where the unforseen happens; where the mind goes into free-fall. ENJOY it all. The bad bits may hold the most unexpected treasure, and your blogging friends are right behind you.

I watched that amazing sunrise, too. I was feeling terribly bleak. I went out into the garden and a tiny gold-crest came and sat almost on my foot, transforming the rest of the day for me.

Zhoen said...

We'll cheer you on. Just another level of community. The revival of the old idea of correspondence, letters from distant friends.

Living well in those liminal times, when the changes happen, as we watch most closely.

Anonymous said...

Creating, for me, is the wild card, and the one that makes the difference. I totally agree with what RR said.

Your blog shows all of that...and then some. Keep on keeping on; what you write inspires me, and I'm sure I'm not alone there.

Jan

herhimnbryn said...

Let it happen........

Sky said...

it is in this place, too, that you create....images which transform those who see, words that linger long after the post has been read. a life shared which creates connections across the world. i would say you are doing pretty well in the creative department.

the job and money will come...they always do. enjoy the living. you have a full life which we are so glad to be a small part of.

Dale said...

I'm with Winterwood: I'm puzzled, sometimes, when you speak of creating beautiful & extraordinary things as if it was something in the future, rather than something you already do on a regular basis. That's not what it looks like from here.

starnitesky said...

Blogging is a sort of creating with words so keep going.

Cat B said...

Your words are so beautiful and so evocative. It's the same struggle for all of us creative people, I think. We step out, things change. I, for one, look forward to hearing how...onwards, mm!!

mm said...

Winterwood: Yes, I probably underestimate the size and venture of the move, so thank you for the gentle reminder.

RR: I hope that the moment of transformation lasted and that things are better now. I'll be phoning.

Zhoen: I like that. Letters to friends, near and far.

Jan: Always good to hear from you ...

HHB: Easier than trying to force it, for sure.

Sky: Thank you.

Dale: And thank you. Really.

Starnitesky: I know the blog will continue in some form. But as life changes, I think the blog will change to reflect it.

Cat B: Onwards and upwards indeed!

Crafty Green Poet said...

good luck with carving out a more creative alternative to being almost full time behind a desk...

mm said...

Thanks CGP!